Muse by Nina Auril

Author:Nina Auril [Auril, Nina]
Language: eng
Format: epub
Published: 2017-11-14T16:00:00+00:00

I stand in the open door and listen for any indication that Abby may be around. Hearing nothing I go straight to my room to grab the paints I forgot this morning.

It’s been almost two weeks of this. I’m being an asshole and I know it but I don’t know how to deal with Abby now. Instead, I’ve been avoiding the apartment when she’s around and only stopping by for a shower and a change of clothes for the most part. Her lunches are still there, though not every morning, and I haven’t made dinner since the night she helped me in the kitchen. I’m using the studio on campus to work on my paintings instead of here and I’ve been spending most nights at Alex’s.

This is for the best I tell myself again. It’s become my new mantra. Every time I pick up my phone to shoot her a text or stand in front of her door ready to knock and say hi or go out of my way on campus just to catch a glimpse of her.

I’ve been messing with her since I moved in and trying to get her out of the ordered life she’s led until now. But that was before I knew her reasons. Who am I to fuck with her safety net? What will I do if I end up breaking it and she has nothing to catch her? I’ve never been the kind of guy who was good for a girl. Alex said as much. I’ve only ever made them angry or sad and when shit got more serious than a little bit of fun I got bored and bolted. I couldn’t do that to her.

And who did I think I was anyway? Who am I to decide whether she needs to spread her wings or not? No, this is for the best. I will just stay out of her way and let her live her life surrounded by her carefully constructed walls.

It doesn’t matter how much I want to see her smile again, or how much I want to hear that giggle when she forgets herself. It doesn’t matter how much she lights up my entire day with one of her snarky comments or how much I still think of her every second of the day. It doesn’t matter that she’s the last thing on my mind every night. It doesn’t matter that I feel like I’m losing my mind every time I step into the bathroom and catch a whiff of the jasmine scent she left behind. Or that I catch myself doodling her name on every scrap of paper I find.

I can’t keep messing with her. Can’t keep inserting myself in her life when I know I won’t be around forever. And she deserves that. She deserves someone who is going to stick it out with her. Who will be able to comfort her and BE her safety net instead of trying to pull it out from under her.

But fuck, I miss her.

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